You may be trapped in a happiness trap without even knowing it.
In a world where ‘good vibes only’ is celebrated, we often forget to embrace our full emotional spectrum.
Especially on social media, our feeds are bombarded with encouragement to ‘stay positive!’. But this may be the exact reason to prevent you from living authentically.
Let’s unpack the subtle yet significant signs that you might be caught in this happiness trap.
Understanding Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity is being in a happy, optimistic state across all situations excessively. It often involves people denying or dismissing negative emotions because they need to ‘stay positive’.
While on the surface it seems like the right thing to do to face life with a smile, it can actually be detrimental to our mental health.
But why is this so prevalent? Well, in our culture, positivity has always been a virtue of resilience and motivation. In a world full of chaos, positivity offers a perceived sense of control. If we’re positive, nothing can go wrong, right?
Think of it as emotional sugarcoating. Sweet at first, but too much leads to decay. It’s fake and denies us authentic happiness. It stops us from experiencing the full range of human emotions and often blocks us from processing significant life events to develop emotional maturity.
Common Phrases That Signal Toxic Positivity
“Just stay positive!”, “Look on the bright side!”, or “At least…” are well-intentioned phrases, but they can carry the weight of dismissal.
When these statements are expressed, heard, and digested by our minds, it can invalidate the complex emotions someone is experiencing. It minimises the negative feeling that someone ought to be experiencing.
It might seem harmless, but they limit our emotional expression in the long run.
The Emotional Toll of Toxic Positivity
So what’s the worst that can happen?
Repressing negative emotions under the mask of positivity can lead to frustration, anxiety, and even depression in the long run.
It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater; it always pops back up. Imagine doing that, but with a giant ball; when it does pop back up, it’s going to cause a HUGE splash, and things get out of control.
This toxic cycle prevents people from processing negative feelings, developing emotional maturity, connecting with others, seeking help, and acknowledging struggles. When done excessively, some people may never find fulfilment in life, no matter how much happiness they try to seek.
Why We Fear Negative Emotions
We’ve been taught to label negative emotions as ‘bad’, making us resist them. We fear that acknowledging sadness or anger will show that we’re weak.
However, we shouldn’t attach any judgement to our emotions. We can’t control how we feel, but we can control how we react, and that says more about us than how we feel.
These emotions are integral to our human experience, providing contrast and depth to our lives. They offer insights and opportunities for learning. Embracing them will strengthen us.
Recognizing When Positivity Turns Toxic
If you frequently dismiss or downplay your feelings or those of others, you might be turning positivity toxic.
Do you force yourself to stay happy in painful situations? Do you dismiss difficult conversations when someone tries to help? Do you feel ashamed and guilty for your negative emotions? These are some key indicators.
Self-awareness and recognising your patterns are the first steps in breaking free from toxic positivity.
But where do you start? I’d suggest empathy.
Let your ego down and know that it’s okay to be sad. Truly listen and acknowledge emotions without any judgement. In friendships, family, and even yourself, practicing empathy supports a culture of vulnerability and trust rather than superficial happiness.
Cultivate Emotional Intelligence and Authenticity
Psychologists can’t stress enough on the value of emotional intelligence—the ability to understand and manage our emotions constructively. It’s almost like therapising yourself by diving inward!
Acknowledge every emotion as valid. You can start by journaling to examine and express feelings without judgement. Understand the root of your emotions. Seek to explore why you feel a certain way rather than masking it with forced positivity. Reach out and have authentic conversations to help dismantle the walls built by toxic positivity.
Moving Forward: Building Healthier Habits
To empower emotional authenticity, cultivate habits like daily journaling, meditation, and gratitude — focused on all experiences, not just the positive.
Be vulnerable. Vulnerability is often viewed as weakness, but it’s actually a strength many don’t possess. Bringing your authentic self to the table can be terrifying but immensely freeing.
Here’s to a more authentic life!